20 Aug 2008

I'm glad I'm not Canadian....

Not because I have anything against the country of Canada or its people. My relief is a product of these writings on a can of Molson Canadian:
"Only Molson Canadian has true Canadian taste. It comes from over 220 years of brewing experience, a unique cold brewing process and only the finest ingredients this land has to offer. The result is a premium lager that pleases the world's toughest beer critics - Canada's beer drinkers."
What can you expect after reading such words? Not much, actually. Anyone with something other than air between their ears will realise that they are no more than marketing bollocks, of the populist kind.

What comes out of the can doesn't disappoint (when there aren't expectations, there isn't disappointment). Molson Canadian is a non-beer, no distinctive taste, no character, no body; fortunately forgettable. I've had nealko piva better than it.
As I've said, the fantasy written on the can can't be taken seriously. However, I can't help but think, who are the people that write stuff like this? Do people really believe in it?

Molson Candian is not the only one by any means. Stella Artois is doing something similar in the UK, as reported by Boak & Bailey (the bollocks here are of the pseudo-historical kind, though). Gambrinus wants to make Czechs believe that it is brewed with the best ingredients, when most people know that it isn't much more than a cheap version of Pilsner Urquell. Now, the price must go to Quilmes for what's written in the press release announcing the new "Leftover" Red Lager. It is difficult to keep a straight face after reading this masterpiece of marketing fiction:
“Brewed with finely selected ingredients, with a mild aroma, delicate bitterness and creamy flavour. Quilmes Red Lager invites you to enjoy its quality and sofistication.”
But that’s not it, it goes on like this:
“Its copper red colour is the product of finely selected malts and the natural roasting of the barley tannins during the malting process”

Have you seen, read, heard any other beer related gems of marketing magic that made you laugh or hit the roof?


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9 comments:

  1. I laughed earlier today at a “legend” about an “unknown master” which is equally stupid, what a coincidence :-)
    It can be found on Master's webpage in Czech ( http://www.pivomaster.cz/ ), there is probably no English version though.

    By the way, they brew Master in Velke Popovice, but they emphasize “Pilsner brewers” and “born in Pilsen” everywhere. I know the owner is the same, but this sucks to me.

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  2. That's a good one I had forgotten. I was at the presentation of Master at Pivovarský Klub last year and remember reading the pretty nice brochure. It included that legend, claiming that the recipe was from 16th century, I think. Funny, no lagers were brewed in Bohemia back then.
    There was also a decalog on how to preserve the quality of the beer, among them was that once tapped, a barrel must be dispensed within two days. I wonder how Prazdroj keeps track of that when you can buy kegs of master at a wholesaler.
    Now the Pilsner Brwers and Born in Pilsner thing are not all that false, actually. The beer was indeed born in Pilsen. Now, I'm not sure if there is a brewer from Pilsen overseeing production, but it is possible.
    Anyway, at least those are good beers, Molson doesn't even have that going for it.

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  3. Its a Premium Beer! It says so right on the label! LOL
    Don't judge all Canadian beer by this watered down oversweetened soda pop.
    There are some truly great Canadian beers. Unibroue in Montreal makes some wonderful products. As do many other smaller breweries. Molson Canadian/ Labatts Blue/ Coors Lite may be the big selling brands in Canada (sadly) but things are getting better for good beer lovers here. Its not a great beer country like the Czech Republic (I can't wait to return) but things are improving.
    And yes, many do believe the advertising and think its good beer.

    Cheers
    Frank

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  4. Hey Frank!
    Of course it's not my intention to judge Canadian beer based solely on Molson. As it happens in every country, the best selling beer is not by any means a good example of what brewers are actually able to do. I'm sure there are some really great beers in Canada, I really wish I could get my hands on them.
    What is sad, though, is that so many people are hypnotised by such marketing bollocks, and that isn't only in Canada...

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  5. Any time I see a group of Czechs go up to a pub, look at the drinks list and say "Yay, they've got Gambac!", and they all go in and enthusiastically order 0,5 litres each, part of me dies... :(

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  6. Worse is when they leave a place because they don't have Gambrinus, as I've seen happening a couple of times at Pivovarský Klub....

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  7. Evan Rail is a very good friend of mine, so good that instead of leaving a comment that would make me loose face among you, my fans, he sent me an email to point a blunder above.
    I mentioned that in the 16th century no lagers were brewed in Bohemia. Well, actually it is not so. Some lagers were indeed brewed, they were called staré pivo (old beer) because of the lagering time, opposed to the more common top fermented brews that were drank pretty much immediately.
    I stand corrected.
    Still, I think that the "legend" of Master is bollocks....

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  8. For several days I have been reading and looking for I'm glad I'm not Canadian and wow I have no idea that in the web were so many blogs related to generic viagra, but anyways, thanks for sharing your inputs, they are really helpful.
    Have a nice day

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